I cried again...|Saturday, February 03, 2007
In the end, I still cried...It's not because I'm lonely...It's jus tat I cant bear it anymore...I dunno wad's inside me tat made me feel tat emptiness...It's like nothing can ever fill it...I'm so afraid, afraid tat one day I'll just lose myself...i've had been telling myself not to cry...I've broke up with him for 5 months...and yet, I didn't even drop a tear for him...not ever again...but i cried n shedded tears because of a few unbearingly touching novels...maybe I'm just alternatively using novels as an excuse to cry bah...i dunno...
Its very frustrating tat the internet is loading slowly like it has the time on Earth forever......cant stand it...sometimes i jus shut it down n leave it alone..
I've been quite hot-tempered these few days...cant seem to control myself...i was discussing the issue on moving to Spore when my dad came back...Mybe cos of his tiredness he started splutting nonsense and insults on anything...Then I asked him about moving to Spore...he barked at me, saying tat he dun have tat much of money to let me stay in Spore...He's just talking crap lar...he's got 2 cars, a lorry of his own in Spore for working purposes, a motorbike, a semi-detached house and he has a bloody hell amout of money for my mum to spend on her clothes, cosmetics and facial sets...Yet he can still say tat he dun have money...He even said tat we collapsed never mind de...if he collasped den we'll die with him....although its correct in a sense tat we need him to support us but i jus think tat he's freaking hell too much! Its not tat i forced him to let me stay, I'm jus giving him a suggestion and myself time to do revision n homework...Wad's wrong with tat? If he really has abit of problem with the financial part, I can dun mind...but must he speak in tat way? Its always his volcanoe-temper tat spoils our harmony...Since when I was small...he never change...There's forever a communication gap between daughters and fathers...No offence but maybe this applies to me only bah...haix...Wad's worse, he siad tat if i so capable i should go and work n pay for my own school fees...wad the hell...He told me he has no money to send me to university...Fine den, I'll make sure I get such poor results so tat i no need to fuss about whether I wanna go to a JC or Polytechnic.......As how he wishes me to do...
Sometimes I dunno wad is the purpose of studying so much? Waste money to go college and university and get a certificate or degree...There's tons of people in the society who are undergraduates without jobs...So who can explain this to me? why waste money in the first place? and waste time? Its enough...I'll just do the best i can....I dun wan to have any more tuitions , remedials....Its not going to help neither...I wan to give up...I'm not tat capable to earn money n support myself at this age...Worse still I'm still single after 5 months...If i'm attached I may be able to rely on my boyfriend if he' a rich one...haha....
So jus a small advice to those studying out there, if your parents have money, you better jolly well study well and at least get a certificate....if not you're wasting your own time n your parents' money...so learn to cherish everything you owned...
Its too late to say anythign now lar...Jus walk one step count one step lol...i also dunno which path i'll be taking...jus hope tat i can meet frens with true sincere hearts...and of course a guy tat i rely on for a lifetime.........asap.............
Tats all folks! Sorry if u fond it irritating tat i keep changing blogskin cos i'm jus sick of things very quickly nowadays...I'll settle down my emotions asap...bear with me..thank you! Remember to tag....flood it if u wan...But no vulgars and insults! See ya soon!
Where were you when skies were grey
8:24 PM <3
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