tired...|Thursday, April 20, 2006
now at hazel's house lol...haix...thinking that i'm lazy? haha...maybe u're right...common test in abt one week's time and i still dun revise...no choice...too much hw liao...and haf to stay back for lots of file check...and sum more i making sumting now...for tat toot c lol...surprise! but doubt he would appreciate it...peiyi said being my bf is so fortunate..haha....but he jus wouldn't know...haix...
i felt like i'm getting on life numbly...one week gone and another week comes...but i jus dun realise how time flies..so scary...i was jus wondering wat should i do after i graduated? haix...i really haf no idea wat to do...ppl going work...going poly...but i jus dunno wat to do except to study...i haf no future...
hazel has fallen out of love...she jus wanna haf a guy who is rich and shuai..haha...actually i was feeling like tat too...cos even if i gave all my love to him...he dunno how to appreciate and return me my love...it's useless...jus get a rich one and enjoy love with materialistic rewards...better than killing urself to dig out your love....but i cant find one right guy...too bad...time hasn't cum now...life seems so meaningless to me...haix....
Where were you when skies were grey
4:08 PM <3
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not even time could bring them back....|Saturday, April 01, 2006
Yesterday was the OC final rehersal before the actual event. We were having a hard time there. The sopranos including me were so pathetic lol. We couldn't turn our heads and watched the performance on the stage. The bass and some of the altos didn't need to as they were literally facing the stage so it didn't bother them much lol. The first row people including me again had to sit 'properly'. The girls had to sit with both legs slatting to a side and with the hands on our knees lol. Just like how a elegant woman should sit. But please lol, we are not any rich woman who deserves to be sitted like that. We wanted to complain but we just kept quiet and did what was told to be done. Enough of this, let me emd and come to the point which i really want to say.
During the preparation, everyone was busily changing into their costumes and making up. I was quite lonely. I've been lonely since don't know when lol. And my short standing hair that fussed me up, I had to gel it up so that i wouldn't look so nerd. Haha. I saw him busily helping Nat and Jialing making up. People don't be alarmed, he really knows how to do it. After that, he went around teasing the sec1s girls about their hair and whatsoever. I suddenly thought the days two years ago. This kind of scene seemed so familiar to me. It was me who was being teased by him. But now it is not me anymore. I've grown up, not the little girl anymore. Maybe i really have changed. Changed in one or another way. Things are not the same anymore. Sometimes i really wished that time could bring us back to the two years ago.
Did he change? I kept asking myself. He has new friends every year.I don't know whether my place in his heart has ever change. He treats me so differently compared from two years ago and now. I feel like I'm being ignored every now and second. But it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm in my own world now, I don't need anyone now. I'm free as I am. However, I just want to know have I been forgetten in his mind? Does he really cares about me now? Or has he been fully occupied by his friends now? Maybe I'm the barrier to his friends. I had sacrified once because of his friends. But this cannot go on forever. He must make a choice, a definite choice between me and his friends since he cannot strike a balance between both. But deep down I know he will choose his friends. It's not that I'm not as important but this can't be forced. I'm just a victim of his decisions. There is no happy ending for my love story. Just as sad as the mermaid who sacrified herself in turning into bubbles because the prince chose to marry his benefactor. I loved that story but it doesn't mean that i also have to be in her state. But it still happened to me, unfortunately.
Sometimes i really regretted for going into a relationship. In the end, I'm the one who is being hurted the most. I could hear my heart breaking into pieces whenever I see him with his friends so happily chatting and playing. Maybe i just don't have the power to change him and his thinkings. I should give up. But there is always a voice inside me telling me that I mustn't do this. It always lingers ther, making me hard to make the definite decision. I can't bear to do it. But if i don't end this, I'll be the one who is hurted so badly. I really missed the days in the past. The times when he always sticked with me and hanging out with his old friends. Happy hours together. Now that i could only remember vividly of these memories for it would never occur ever again.
He never understand what I think and how I feel. Never did he. Ever since I mistrusted him for his love for me. He shouldn't have been with me in the first place since he considered friends are as important. I can't accept that. i never had true friends, I don't know what is true friendship. To me, love is the only thing that i can turst. Nothing other than love could lay my trust on it. Mybe there is someone out there who can really let me trust and love. That guy is my Mr Right. But I don't know who he is. I hope that he can appear now, to treat my lovesickness and mend my broken heart.
Where were you when skies were grey
1:17 PM <3
| d r e a m |
