Unconditioned love.|Friday, September 14, 2007
I blogging again,
dunno y but has a strong urge to write something today.
Read someone's blog archives,
found out tat tis person had lots of crushes on peeps.
I realised i was once like that too,
but that was when i was in primary school.
immature, looking at the guys i admired from afar.
Hence, i never developed deep feeling s for them
or missed them like crazy or wad.
After maturing through all these years,
i realised love cant be that generous.
When you loved someone,
it is almost impossible for you to fall in love with another person again.
This is what i truly believe.
I tried very hard to fall in love with someone,
but realised i really couldn't.
It sounds really ridiculous but it's true.
Loving someone, the feeling just would not deplete.
If it does deplete,
it shows that you are not loving the person as you thought you are.
This is my principle of love.
I cant accept someone who had been in love so many times.
Lan yong gan qing de ren wo bu xi han.
Realising that actually love is unconditioned,
remember the times i was with him,
even though he was not straight,
i still loved him no matter what.
I guessed no one will be as selfless when it comes to love.
I cant believe i did it.
I have done it.
And i'll continue doing it.
Till the day i die.
I am silly, i admit.
Who is not silly when you fall in love?
Jus hope that peeps who still hold hopes on me would give up on me, soon.
I dun wanna waste anymore of your time.
So, please stop thinking of me.
I'm not the girl you're looking for.
I'm just another fallen soul, lost in love.
Sorry, hope you can understand.
Where were you when skies were grey
10:02 PM <3
| d r e a m |
It'd been a long time since i blogged.
1 week le bah...
Lots of things had happened over the past 1 week.
Getting back my results is one major one, although i didn't consider that important at all.
haha.
anyway, i improved quite alot compared to mid-year exam.
english- B4 (finally!)
higher chinese- B3 (super disappointed..)
combined humanities- E8 (die liao lar...)
biology- B4 (must buck up!!)
chemistry- B3 (yeah!)
physics- C6 (it's a miracle tat i've passed!)
emath- B4 (lots of careless mistakes!)
amath- F9 (no hope liao..)
i only failed 2 subjects lor...
or should i say, die liao, failed 2 subjects leh!!!
haha...
either way i'm quite relieved lah..
at least i got improvement.
just pray hard i can do much more better for O level bah.
have to work very very hard lor..
but scare i no motivation to do that lah.
last time i felt tat there was a kind of motivation tat encouraged to study n do my very best in exam.
but now, the feeling is gone.
looks like i've to find the feeling back.
or else, my results will remain in this state.
can go either here and there.
Jiajun is helping me with English,
Weijie is helping Amath.
I just hoped that i wouldn't disappoint them.
I nearly wanted to drop Physics, but the prelim returned the hope for me.
Surprisely, i passed with a low grade though.
I have lots to catch up on in this short period of one mth plus.
Hope there's another miracle to save me.
He's irritating.
I know i shouldn't say this but he's really getting on my nerves.
I cant stand his paranoid-ness.
Always sms me mushy messages and keep asking me basic things like eating dinner.
He even asked my friend to add him on msn and gave my friend his number.
Saying tat he needs ADVICES.
Duh, wad kind of advices does he need anyway?
Obviously, he's trying to interfere into my privacy and feelings.
Wad he's doing now, really irritates me.
At first, I think he's one guy who is good to me and cares alot for me.
But now, it seems like he's not caring anymore but overconcerned till a terrible stage of annoyance.
My good impression of him is being totally wiped out now.
I can tell him in his face that, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT ME!!!
I'll never let myself drop into this endless pit of mental tortures.
I am harsh but he's just too much.
Stop counting down and don't irritate me any further!
I don't wish anyone pop out into my life and mess up my life at this crucial point of time!
I've had enough i supposed.
Tired of all these...
I'll continue to stay single till my Mr. Right appears.
The first look determines everything.
I believe in deep affinity.
Sometimes, love cannot be forced.
It'll come naturally, nothing can stop its arrival.
My heart still hasn't give up on him bah, i believe.
I believe he'll return one day.
i can't do without him, life seemed so meaningless without him.
Really meaningless, thinking of those days we went exploring new places together;
roaming around the small island freely and happily...
Sweet memories are priceless.
I'm afraid one day i'll have memory loss and forget all these happy memories.
I'm having STM now...
So i'm just afraid the day will come...
I can lose anything but memories.
They are precious and nothing can replace them.
Everything i did with him, every moment i'd spent with him...
I still tresure them alot, hope he do treasure them too.
I am being very indecisive and it hurts many people.
I'm sorry but that's nothing i could do.
I do hope that everything goes well and no one will be hurt in the end.
Bless all.
Where were you when skies were grey
7:38 PM <3
| d r e a m |
Sorry.|Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I've hurt someone badly.
I'm so upset abt it, but what can i do?
It would be much worse if i dun speak mty heart now...
the pain then will be worst.
Sorry is what i could say.
However, I didn't give u any promises.
I dun wish to see u being depressed and hopeless.
I wished that u could get over with it
as quick as possible and concentrate on your studies.
I dun wish to be of any burden to u,
in terms of relationship.
I know we share the same dreams and interests,
but that doesn't mean we have to get into relationship
to enjoy all those same views.
I know it's hard to find a special someone,
but i'm not YOUR special someone.
She's somewhere else on Earth, i truly believe.
I can't get myself involved with a relationship
that my heart doesn't follow to.
The feeling of it is horrible,
I don't wanna lie to u and hurt u very badly in the end.
It's not fair to u.
Honestly, I can't get myself out of the previous one.
2 and half years.
It's long and difficult to let go.
Waiting is not the solution.
I may even take years to let go.
U wanna wait? I encourage u not to.
It's a waste of time.
How do u even know that i'm the right one?
Feelings are important.
Without them, even the lifeless cant survive.
Pardon me for saying that.
Afterall, it's our choices that leads us on our way of life.
Don't everyone agree?
We get to choose and pick the startings and the endings.
Just wanna say, dun lose hope and faith.
What's yours, finally it'll be yours. takecare.
Where were you when skies were grey
7:27 AM <3
| d r e a m |
