none|Sunday, March 12, 2006
Cerlyn went to compete in the national figure skating competition and she got 3rd! Wow! Mr Kok went there and supported her with me and Hana. Mr Kok was telling us that ice skating was a form of rhythmic gymnastic and he told about the survey form thingy he had given out the other day. I admired the gracefulness and the tranquility of the ice skaters. How I wished I could learn ice skating and maybe perform one day. But will that ever happen? I don't want to think about it.I have too much to worry.
Yesterday, I went to Colin's birthday party without Hana and Cerlyn. Hana need to go back home 'cause her mum wanted the family to go her grandma's house..sian..Then Cerlyn's mum didn't allow her to go 'cause she would be very tired after the competition. Haix. So in the end I have to go there with Jj. Sian lol. When we reached there, some were busy starting the fire. Then Jj helped Fadillah to start the fire. Colin was busily starting the fire.His hands were stained with charcoal then he went around making ppl looked like red Indians...u know what I mean...ha.Some of his frens warned him not to look up to the sky 'cause lightning and thunder had been invited too. Soon rain came and we had to rush to one of the void decks and we settled down. Poor him.In the ppl were starting fire in the aluminum trays provided to put food.haha.Then Jj told me that it was not going to work.He was not trying to be a wet blanket but in the end it worked quite well.
Jj was busily barbequing chicken wings and Ken and Kitzi were roasting sausages. That greedy Joanne came once in a while and demanded for her chicken wings and sausages,haha. She was that hungry huh. We told her off and she complained that she had to go early so she wanted to have her fill. Haha. I don't mind you know. I love this kind of ppl during bbqs 'cause there are always ppl who cooked food and there will be no one eating them. The person who cooked them would eventually have to finish all up. Glad she was there. I was bored to death lol. No one spoke to me. Except for Jj, Ken and Mindy they all. Good companions. We sat down and chatted about all different stuffs. Things on friendship and love for most of the time. General stuff.
While Colin was having his wish, he thanked his new sec1 frens for helping him and all the stuffs. Who cares anyway? He never thanked the other ppl. He's always like this. Xi xin yan jiu. Once he found new frens he can just give up on the old ones. I described him as a guy who change sex partners regularly. I'm not trying to insult but that's the best way to describe the scenario. Haha. I think he didn't even spoke to me for more than 20 lines. I don't want to bother so much. It's when he needs me he'll come and look for me. If he doesn't need me he can just walk off as if he doesn't know me at all.
After we helped to pack up things at the party, I went off with Jj, Ken and Mindy they all. We reached causeway point and the others went home. I, Jj and Ken went into causeway point and we sat down at the basement and chatted about our love experience so as to say. Ken told us his stuff which I can't write here. But he had once lost trust in love 'cause of some stuff. But recently he gained back the trust. Congrats! If only I have trusted love in the first place, I wouldn't have landed myself in this critical situation which I couldn't escape. I am now in the situation which Jj had described as: I am hanging on to a tree and I'm not letting go of it where I still have other trees around me which are of better qualities. Jj is also still clinging on to a tree but I don't know whether he will let go if it or not. Maybe it just matters the time. As for me, it has been nearly 2 years. I'm still not letting go...I'm tired already, I want to rest or even I may grab hold of another string of another tree. I don't know. Things haven't turn out the way I wanted them to be. I'm so sad. Why is it that my relationship hasn't been successful? Jj and Ken said he may be using me not truly love me. From what I recounted for them, it really seemed more like he's using me to prove that he's not useless, he can also have a girlfriend even he likes the same gender. But I think no one cares and I foolishly got tricked by him. And I don't know what to do now. Jj said if this goes on I may be forever trapped in that relationship never again to be free. I must be firm but I just cant do it. I don't know when it's the right time. Are his friends more important than me? I wonder but I never get the answer. I have done lots of things so as to rescue this relationship but to no avail. I don't know what to do next liao. I'm really out of ideas and stuff le.
I really envy Pearl and Edmund. I wonder what keeps together even they are not in the same school. I really give them my true blessing. I really do hope that Edmund can find his true love. As his old playmate and ex-best friend, I truly bless him. I hoped he wouldn't be like Sau Chong who never ever truly love a person before. It hurts to know someone who doesn't know how to love. Learning to love is hard 'cause you often don't find a suitable candidate to love. I think I found a wrong one to love. Maybe it's true. I'm really wasting my precious time on him. Just as what the test told me. I regretted now for being so naive, thinking that he'll be always there for me. I'm so dumb to believe him. He lies. Even he doesn't admit…still he lies. For goodness sake, please help me out of this. I'm in a very confused situation. Someone just drag me out of this. I had enough. I'm really very tired le.
Where were you when skies were grey
12:42 PM <3
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